What the Well-Dressed Groom is Wearing

Q.  Our original July wedding was delayed to November by health concerns (and then venue timing). Originally I was wearing a white tuxedo. Will this still be okay in the fall?

A.  Few occasions in a man's life are so full of questions as his wedding day. "What do I wear?" is high on the list. The bridegroom's dress code is specifically prescribed; it is a strict set of rules with only a very few variations allowed. Do it right. 

In formal attire, the white tuxedo you mentioned is a contradiction of terms, unless what you meant is a white dinner jacket. This dapper garment is one of the few variations/alternatives allowed in black-tie attire; it’s a nice summer-time-only substitute for black tie’s formal black jacket. If you already bought yours for your earlier planned wedding, you should not wear it after Labor Day.     

The groom’s clothes are determined by the formality of the wedding, the time of day, and the time of year.  Even today, the degree of formality of the wedding is designed more by the bride than the groom. The bridegroom should definitely OK what he's planning to wear with his fiancée well in advance. This is neither the time nor the place for surprises.

Traditionally, weddings are either daytime formal, evening formal, black tie, or informal.

For a daytime formal wedding, the bridegroom wears a cutaway coat of dark, oxford gray wool (known as a morning coat). It is accompanied by an ascot. For an evening formal wedding, he wears a black tailcoat, white waistcoat (vest), white wing-collar formal shirt, and white cotton piqué bow tie, known as white-tie-and-tails.) Most men have so few occasions to wear either of these two outfits that it's wise to rent them from the most conservative rental agency in town -- one that does not go in for innovative or "creative" pretensions.

At informal weddings, the bridegroom wears a beautiful, well-cut dark suit, most often navy blue, a fine white broadcloth cotton shirt, and a silvery-toned heavy woven “wedding necktie,” tied in the standard long four-in-hand or half-Windsor knot. An informal summer garden wedding with natty Eastern Seaboard overtones might involve a dark blazer and well-cut white trousers.

At all times of the year, the most popular category of wedding wear is between these two, known as black-tie attire. The black-tie suit is often referred to as a “tuxedo,” although in the most elite social circles, this term is not considered elegant. It’s been said that a man dining on New Year’s Eve in a grand restaurant is wearing black tie, while the waiter is wearing a tuxedo . . . even though they are both dressed the same. Weddings called for after dark are often black tie affairs -- for the bridegroom and for the male guests, as well.

The most important point about black-tie dressing is that it makes a man look wonderful. If he has even one occasion every year or two to wear it, he should strongly consider owning his own, rather than renting. Essential to black-tie dressing: all the details (lapel type, trouser type, shirt, bowtie, accessories, etc.) should correspond and be appropriate.

A black-tie suit need not be expensive. It should be classically cut, tailored to fit well (currently, on the trim side), and ideally made of 100 percent lightweight wool.

Basic black-tie suits are fashioned in three collar and lapel styles:

·         Shawl (traditional curve cut, used only on formal wear)

·         Peaked (most dashing, usually found on double-breasteds) or

·         Notched (least formal, a daytime-business-suit cut).

Lapel fabrics are either:

·         Satin, a silk-like, smooth, glossy fabric, or

·         Grosgrain (pronounced “grow’-grain”), a ribbed twill fabric, also known as faille (pronounced “file”).

Jacket closings are single- or double-breasted. Probably a double-breasted should not be your first and only evening suit, because it will come and go in style.

Trousers have a ribbon that matches the lapel material -- satin or faille – running  down the outside of the leg. They are cut straight, not tapered; worn with braces (button-on suspenders), not a belt; are accompanied by a cummerbund or a waistcoat (vest); and have a small break. Incidentally, formal dressing is the one time when cuffs are never worn.

Shirts are always white with either a standard turn-down point collar or a wing collar. Historically, the wing collar was only correct with white-tie tailcoats, but it is so dapper and flattering that it is now widely accepted.

Shoes and socks are black. So is the bowtie. That’s what makes it black tie.  

How to look slimmer than you really are

Q. It's unlikely I'm going to lose any weight (at least any time soon), but I do hope to look my best. Of the supposed methods, does anything truly flatter (and look less fat) other than just wearing black? It would be good to have a better look among co-workers . . . and women.

A. A key element in searching for the perfect clothes is recognizing the body those clothes are going on and the shape it is in. Wearing clothes that offset any problems you feel you have can help. For every adjustment (or downplaying) one hopes to achieve, there are preferable choices . . . fool-the-eye techniques that can “slim you down” visually. While they apply to any clothes you wear, they are especially effective when you’re dressed in a suit; so, you might be wise to seek out more times to wear one. A blazer or sports jacket works almost as well.

If you are heavy and want to de-emphasize it, here are some basic suggestions:

1.      You are right that darker clothes can make you appear twenty pounds lighter. The rule is: Dark colors minimize; light colors emphasize. If not dark, choose muted colors.

2.      Focus attention on your face by wearing compellingly interesting and attractive shirts and ties.

3.      Create an illusion of slimness by using unbroken vertical lines when possible to direct the eye’s sweep up and down. Wearing a tie is one good way to do this.

4.      Meticulous tailoring matters even more when you are heavy. Be assertive with the tailor, so there is no tugging at sleeves or squeezing at armholes. Tipping him helps.

When wearing suits or sports jackets, choose these features to look taller and leaner:

·         Single-breasted jackets

·         Solids or subtle stripes (no widely-spaced stripes)

·         Jackets with slightly padded shoulders, nipped at the waist, a center vent, and long enough to cover the seat

·         Plain-front trousers (no pleats). If you are wide in the seat (hips) avoid carrying anything in your back pockets.

·         The fabric is critical, so select:

-          Jackets and pants of near-matching or similar tones, without much contrast.

-          Medium- or light-weights. Avoid bulky fabrics.

-          Simple, small patterns. “Busy” patterns, such as bold plaids, add bulk visually.

Other garments:

·         Wear long ties; avoid bow ties.

·         Choose vertically striped dress- and sport-shirts.

·         Select dress shirts with a narrow spread, straight points, or button-down collars. Avoid the horizontal lines of wide-spread collars.

·         Shirts worn unbuttoned (open-at-the-neck) can also help create the illusion of height.

·         For less dressy wear, consider wearing a vest or sweater vest, instead of a jacket, over a shirt.

·         For casual wear, sweaters camouflage/cover/disguise the waistline almost as well as a suit. V-necks and light-weight sweaters with vertical ribbing or stripes are especially elongating.

·         For outerwear, adding a scarf and/or a fedora is a flattering way to emphasize the vertical.  

Notes of caution:

Pay meticulous attention to your neat grooming. No “relaxed” hair, unpressed garments, loose necktie knots, untucked shirttails – anything that suggests that old negative, “sloppy fat.”

Stay away from sharp horizontal contrasts (such as wearing a light top with dark trousers) or a strong line (dark belt with light pants and shirt) that draws the eye to, and across, your middle.

Be extra careful when tying your necktie, make sure it comes down to the belt line, not above it. Avoid any space between the tie and pants that would stop the up-and-down sweep of the eye.

Finally, as a mother, I feel compelled to point out that losing a few pounds would be a great idea. Besides looking better and feeling better, you will actually be better – healthier. Caring about yourself is a sign that others should also care about you. In a room full of people, women will be attracted to the man who reflects confidence, flair, and a strong sense of his own worth.