MALE CALL: Business-casual dress has specific ground rules to follow

Q. My office has become even more casual post-Covid than before, such that I am the only one wearing a tie. I've avoided the change to casual dressing before, but it is clearly the standard now. What would you say is the basic concept I need to get? 

A. Well, the formula is not at all as clear-cut as for the typical business three pieces (suit, shirt, and tie), but then that helps explain why you and so many other men have difficulty looking well-pulled together when dressed informally. Too many options. 

All those possibilities are confusing. Men often think that if they’re not wearing a business suit, then anything they pick up off the floor can be “casual.” Don’t wear something you might wear shooting baskets. The whole concept of casual does not mean sloppy; it means appropriate, comfortable, and – one hopes – also attractive.

There are different levels of casual dress: smart/business-casual, casual, and ultra-casual.

Careful color coordination is important for business-casual, just as it is for dress attire. The basics to keep in mind are: 1.] two-color dressing, and 2.] repeating colors.

•         When you’re not wearing a jacket, begin with the color of the trousers as your base.

•         Add a quiet or colorful top – shirt, sweater, vest, whatever – either with one color that’s in the pattern repeating the color of the trousers, or else in a completely different contrasting color.

•         Traditional business-casual means “no suit and no tie required.”

Since your personal preference includes wearing a tie and perhaps, on occasion, a blazer or sport jacket, then, that is a good choice for you; it becomes your statement. Many great combinations might begin with a pair of khakis. For example, add a two-color plaid shirt with a handsome khaki-and-blue or khaki-and-pink pattern. (For years I have recommended that men be on the lookout for a plaid shirt that has khaki as one of the colors in the plaid. It will look good with all of your khaki pants.) Adding smart shoes and a belt – both in some shade of dark brown – helps turn this into a coordinated look.

Try wearing a blue blazer over a red-and-blue knit polo shirt with a pair of well-cut blue jeans. Or, with a navy blazer, choose a bold red-and-white striped dress shirt and white jeans. When you are wearing casual clothes, repeating one color in two or more items creates a pulled-together look.

Don’t make the mistake of ignoring your shoes. In casual dressing, they take on added importance. Not only should they be a color that works with your combination, but their style should harmonize with the degree of formality of your mix. Canvas sneakers might well be too informal with a blazer. Casual shoes these days range from decent sneakers, through colorful deck shoes, to burnished brown or black tassel loafers. And be sure to check out the many handsome dress-casual ankle boots on the market; they are a useful new category of leather shoes. Base your choice, in addition to comfort, on the other clothes you are wearing. Consistency is essential to being well-dressed.

Avoid wearing T-shirts with messages, cargo pants, dirty or beat-up sneakers, anything too trendy.

The casual clothes you choose send major messages about you. Perhaps most important is dressing your age or what is considered appropriate casual wear for your generation. Dress like a grown-up. If a man in his 50s dresses too young, in clothes that are too tight or too hip, he is out of his comfort zone. Age-appropriate clothes are not only flattering, but they project your good judgement.   

 

Small neck shirt with long sleeve length hard to find

Q. I recently lost a considerable amount of weight. I now wear 31x33 pants, and have a 14½- inch neck and a 35-inch sleeve. I have been checked for size by a fine store’s shirt department and several tailors. I find that fine stores do not carry shirt sizes that fit me. Sales people doubt you or assume that you really mean 15½ neck sizes. Stores’ online offerings can be identified as white, blue, and yellow – nothing stylish. Custom tailoring is an option, but not always stylish. 

From a clothing standpoint, it does not pay to be male and thin. I wish that next time, salespeople would spend less time questioning the shopper’s vanity, and more time on the issue he raised. 

A. The truth is that the size you are looking for (14½/35) is so rare that not one of the many stores I checked with has it. Some come close, but no one carries that combination of neck size and sleeve length. Certainly, there is no reason to add to the difficulty you and others face finding correctly-sized clothes by doubting your measurements. 

Despite the rarity, it does not mean you necessarily have to give up or have your shirts custom made. Far less expensive than custom made are “made-to-measure” shirts. These are a variation of shirts that can be special ordered at many stores for an additional expense of about 20% of the cost of ready-mades. Since they offer many customizing options, the shirts can be as stylish as you like. 

There are also other, even less expensive alternatives. I always believe it helps to know how shirts are sized and which stores are likely to carry the cuts/styles you’re looking for; but in situations with outliers, it is even more important. It also helps to be at least a little flexible. So let me explain further.  

SIZING -- Sport shirts are manufactured with “average” sleeve lengths; sized small, medium, and large, each size usually comes with only one sleeve length. Dress shirts are marked in one of two ways: either exact neck and sleeve sizes (a 15-inch neck and a 33-inch sleeve, for example), or “adjustable” sleeve lengths (a 15-inch neck and a 32/33-inch sleeve; an additional button has been sewn on the cuff, allowing the wearer to tighten or loosen the cuff). Better shirt makers produce a full range of sizes, running from 14½/32 and 14½/33 on up through 17½/36. But some manufacturers cut corners with just two sleeve lengths – designated 32/33 and 34/35. So, instead of exact sleeve lengths, you are given a choice of only two in your neck size, neither of which is likely to be your precise size.

So, what you are looking for is a store that sells shirts made by fine manufacturers, offering a full range of sizes. This generally means a large mid-range department store or a men’s fine specialty shop. When you find a store and a salesperson you like, remain a loyal customer. It makes life easier.       

BEING FLEXIBLE -- Here are a few suggestions. First (and I know this is a hard sell with men), be willing to actually try on a few shirts. Be aware that even the best makers’ sizes and cuts tend to vary, one from another. A size 15 shirt from one company might be looser or tighter than a size 15 from another. Online, many sites and companies provide information regarding whether items run small or large; these can be from the store, the manufacturer, or customer reviews, and should be considered, but not counted on. In those cases, you can either purchase one and follow up with more if they prove accurate, or purchase many if you are one who will take advantage of the quasi-easy return elements of online shopping. 

Most of the stores I spoke with said their size 14½-inch shirts only come in one sleeve size, 32/33. But Brooks Brothers stocks a 14½ shirt with an exact 34-inch sleeve (since a 32/33 sleeve is actually 32½ inches long, you are getting an additional inch and a half). Brooks Brothers also stocks 15-inch collar shirts with a 35-inch sleeve (most 15-inch collars only go up to a 34-inch sleeve length). Nordstrom’s and Tommy Hilfiger sell a size 15 shirt with a 34/35 sleeve; the style from Hilfiger is called the “Essential Slim-Fit.” 

Here is where “being flexible” comes in. If you are willing to try on a few nearly-correct-sized shirts (14½/34, 15/35, and 15 34/35) or whatever shirts you discover that come close, you’ll probably find one you can live with. If you’re unwilling to try on the shirts, my advice would be to select a size 15 neck with a slim fit and the longest sleeve you can find. And here is one more idea that a knowledgeable salesperson at Bloomingdale’s suggested: she said to have the shirt’s top button near the collar moved “a smidgeon,” thus customizing a slightly too-small or too-large shirt for a better fit. Moving a collar button is a very easy tailoring procedure that you may be able to do on your own, and certainly can be done even at a dry cleaner’s for much less than custom shirts or the cost of being uncomfortable.    

 

Casual clothes not appropriate for nice restaurant

 

Q. You wrote recently that a man should not “dress down in an athletic-looking fleece hoodie to a restaurant.” Can you explain to men how embarrassing it is when they wear shorts to a nice restaurant? I know that jackets (let alone ties) are rarely required in most fine restaurants anymore, but that doesn't mean they should wear shorts and a T-shirt.

A. As you can certainly guess, I strongly agree with you. Clothes may be distinguished in several different ways. Not only are they divided into attractive and unattractive categories, but, of even more importance, they are often divided into appropriate and inappropriate. Closely linked to whether or not a garment is appropriate is where it is being worn. I have always insisted that men – in fact, both men and women – should consider whether they are dressed appropriately, especially if it reflects on more than just themselves.

"Everyday" and favorite clothes do not suit every occasion. For instance, hoodies and shorts are garments that any man might want to have in his closet. Some are strictly for super-casual shooting-baskets-in-the-driveway wear, and some are attractive and versatile enough to wear for more occasions. But, even the most attractive of these are not appropriate choices for wearing to a nice restaurant.

When trying to determine a garment’s appropriateness, a key element is respect. Respect for the location itself and the other people who are in attendance. If you are dressed totally casually when pulling into a fast-food drive-thru, no one will notice or care. However, if you dress that way in a nice restaurant, you are being disrespectful to the place itself and also to the other people who are dining there . . . maybe even enough to somewhat diminish their enjoyment of a festive evening out. Why would you want to do that? I can hear men responding, "to be comfortable," but wonder whether their nicer clothing is that uncomfortable and whether they and their companions are really comfortable.

Specifically, I know that wearing shorts is a thorny issue for men. Many love the comfort, and I've even been presented with, "What's the difference between a nice polo and shorts vs. a sun dress?" On the one hand, I see their point, on the other hand . . . No, I don't. We are all aware that young men (boys) who are dressing for their proms pay attention to looking their best. That makes me wonder: where does this instinct go when they “grow up” and forget how, and why, to look good?

I’ve noticed another subtle expression of this same impolite attitude. Recently I attended a religious special event on Zoom, and again became aware of a jarring pattern. The women were all nicely “dressed up” in good-looking outfits and beautiful high-heeled shoes, while many of their escorts wore casual sweatshirt-like tops – without jackets and, worse, with sneakers. In my opinion, this sends a few messages: among them, a lack of respect for the occasion, for the location, for the other guests in attendance, and, in particular, for the person they are escorting. While there is often a certain discrepancy between the way the two halves of a couple are dressed, I cannot imagine that one’s partner would be happy with what appears to be a disregard for their social time spent together. 

Is a necktie an appropriate gift? Short answer: Yes

 

Q. I would like to show appreciation to a gentleman who gave me free advice about investing. A gift of homemade cookies doesn't feel quite right. Do you think a tie is an appropriate gift, or is it too personal? 

A. It is interesting that you used the term “too personal.” I remember it as an old expression that my mother used, to refer to inappropriate gifts. Her interpretation of what items were too personal was far more limiting than mine. I believe it not only depends upon the type of item, but also the relationship between the giver and the receiver of the gift. 

Intimate clothing, such as pajamas, a robe, undergarments, etc. are examples. While they are certainly fine for a gift to a husband, a loved one, or a close family member, they definitely are too personal for a business relationship, such as a boss/employee, an acquaintance, or, as in your case, a semi-business thank-you. I can think of a lot of clothing that could come under the appropriate gift category (depending, of course, upon price), and neckties are certainly among those. 

I would say, ties are very high on my list. Even though many (if not most) men these days have given up wearing them, as a regular reader, I'm sure you know that I am a big fan of good-looking ties. It is my strong opinion that men, most of whom make all sorts of efforts to present themselves as not merely one-of-the-crowd, but rather as sharp individuals, do themselves a major disservice by skipping this easiest of all methods to set one’s self apart in a way that others will notice and admire. When a fine $800 suit may possibly go unnoticed, a really handsome necktie will not. Why forgo such an easy opportunity? So, yes, I would say that a tie could well be a wise choice, especially for a man in the financial industry, one of the fields where wearing a tie is still rather expected. When I give a man a tie, I often tuck into the package a small item called “The Tie Thing”; it is a tiny collection of cloth necktie-restraining devices that invisibly hold a tie in place. 

There are other equally less personal clothing gifts. These include cufflinks, a casual watch, fun socks, a scarf, and gloves. These also depend upon how well the giver knows the taste of the person who will be receiving the gift. Good gift ideas do not have to be pieces of clothing or accessories to  demonstrate your appreciation. Less personal gifts include a Swiss Army knife, tickets to a sports event or a concert, gourmet food items, wine, a magazine subscription, pens (say, a luxe-but-affordable Cross pen). Something as extravagant as a Montblanc pen, while certainly thoughtful, can be too much of an assumption. 

There's a risk in buying something so fine that the receiver will feel required to wear/show it off. And gift items may sometimes be wrong, not because they are too personal, but because they’re the sort of things one keeps in his pocket and physically/actually handles often; they are closely tied to an individual’s personal preferences. Examples are key chains, money clips, and perhaps even wallets. Each person usually likes to choose these for himself. Even so, I did once receive a rather lavish genuine crocodile checkbook cover that I thoroughly enjoyed owning, not only because it was so handsome, but because it was far more luxurious than any checkbook cover I would ever splurge on for myself. 

Whether or not you wrap each individual item in gift wrap, you might find a decorative paper gift bag to tuck them into. It makes for a nice presentation.   

It is generally thought that the perfect gifts are indeed those one will enjoy, but would not necessarily buy for oneself.  If there is a tie pattern, color, style that you think would flatter the friend providing advice and not too similar or dissimilar from his style, that sounds perfect.

Blue, black, brown -- tips on which pairings work

 

Q. I have a question; it’s not about the colors that go together, but about mistakes to avoid. Can you tell me which of the following combinations are problematic: blue and brown, blue and black, and black and brown? These are colors that I am generally comfortable with, but that I often hear should never be put with each other. Are they really no-no’s?

 

A. Here is a good rule: never say “never.” That said, most men would indeed do well to follow guidelines, or at least to exercise caution. The world certainly is full of men who just instinctively seem to know what works. They can put colors together that the average guy would usually be wise to steer clear of . . . and they look great while doing it. I must warn you that mixing colors is like any art form: some combos are easy, and some present a higher degree of difficulty.

 

To be specific about the combinations you mentioned, just because something is difficult, or just because you have read somewhere that you should avoid it, does not necessarily make it “wrong.” Let’s start with the easiest and safest one.

 

BLUE AND BROWN: It is a myth that you should not put blues and browns together (unless you are talking about dark blue and dark brown . . . don’t combine those!). In fact, pairing blue and brown can be handsome and often has an aristocratic air. Every light shade of blue works with all shades of brown (including dark chocolate brown). And all light browns go well with every shade of blue. A good example is a sky blue shirt with a khaki suit, or with a camel blazer, or with a brown tweed sports jacket. The most often-seen combination is a navy blue blazer with khaki pants. All these mixes of blues and browns are ones no one could fault.

 

BLUE AND BLACK can be more problematic. Light and medium shades of blue generally work well with black (as with a light blue shirt and a black blazer or suit). Without a jacket, a light blue shirt and black trousers may make you look like an officer . . . but, who knows, that may be a look you want. However, wearing dark blue and black together looks like a mistake. Still, even here there is an exception, but just in terms of accessories. Because no well-dressed man wears dress shoes in any shade of blue, the accepted shoe color to choose with a blue suit or a navy blazer is black.

 

BLACK AND BROWN: Whether these two colors can work together depends upon how dark they are; if they are both dark, they will not look good together. On the other hand, if the brown is some light shade, such as off-white, beige, tan, or khaki, it can be a smart mix with black. Think: black blazer and tan trousers, or the reverse, ivory jacket and black dress pants. If your suit is a medium or dark gray (in the “black family”) and if you are a confident enough dresser to pull it off, you might wear well-polished cognac brown shoes for an elevated level of sophisticated mixing.

 

One secret to making these combinations work is having an item with both colors included (usually a sweater, a jacket, or a necktie) that already is a mix of two colors; it can help you create a special look. As an example, a cashmere or wool sweater in a camel/black/white argyle pattern pairs nicely with a white shirt and black or camel trousers (and a white shirt). A blue-and-black geometric patterned sweater works with either black dress pants or blue jeans. Although some stores and magazines will show wild combinations of patterns, it’s a good idea to stay with only the one pattern when you are working with offbeat color mixing.   

 

Combining certain colors that are difficult to work with takes a certain amount of savoir faire. If you are good at it, go for it. But if it is a difficult look for you to pull off, why bother?