MALE CALL: Business-casual dress has specific ground rules to follow

Q. My office has become even more casual post-Covid than before, such that I am the only one wearing a tie. I've avoided the change to casual dressing before, but it is clearly the standard now. What would you say is the basic concept I need to get? 

A. Well, the formula is not at all as clear-cut as for the typical business three pieces (suit, shirt, and tie), but then that helps explain why you and so many other men have difficulty looking well-pulled together when dressed informally. Too many options. 

All those possibilities are confusing. Men often think that if they’re not wearing a business suit, then anything they pick up off the floor can be “casual.” Don’t wear something you might wear shooting baskets. The whole concept of casual does not mean sloppy; it means appropriate, comfortable, and – one hopes – also attractive.

There are different levels of casual dress: smart/business-casual, casual, and ultra-casual.

Careful color coordination is important for business-casual, just as it is for dress attire. The basics to keep in mind are: 1.] two-color dressing, and 2.] repeating colors.

•         When you’re not wearing a jacket, begin with the color of the trousers as your base.

•         Add a quiet or colorful top – shirt, sweater, vest, whatever – either with one color that’s in the pattern repeating the color of the trousers, or else in a completely different contrasting color.

•         Traditional business-casual means “no suit and no tie required.”

Since your personal preference includes wearing a tie and perhaps, on occasion, a blazer or sport jacket, then, that is a good choice for you; it becomes your statement. Many great combinations might begin with a pair of khakis. For example, add a two-color plaid shirt with a handsome khaki-and-blue or khaki-and-pink pattern. (For years I have recommended that men be on the lookout for a plaid shirt that has khaki as one of the colors in the plaid. It will look good with all of your khaki pants.) Adding smart shoes and a belt – both in some shade of dark brown – helps turn this into a coordinated look.

Try wearing a blue blazer over a red-and-blue knit polo shirt with a pair of well-cut blue jeans. Or, with a navy blazer, choose a bold red-and-white striped dress shirt and white jeans. When you are wearing casual clothes, repeating one color in two or more items creates a pulled-together look.

Don’t make the mistake of ignoring your shoes. In casual dressing, they take on added importance. Not only should they be a color that works with your combination, but their style should harmonize with the degree of formality of your mix. Canvas sneakers might well be too informal with a blazer. Casual shoes these days range from decent sneakers, through colorful deck shoes, to burnished brown or black tassel loafers. And be sure to check out the many handsome dress-casual ankle boots on the market; they are a useful new category of leather shoes. Base your choice, in addition to comfort, on the other clothes you are wearing. Consistency is essential to being well-dressed.

Avoid wearing T-shirts with messages, cargo pants, dirty or beat-up sneakers, anything too trendy.

The casual clothes you choose send major messages about you. Perhaps most important is dressing your age or what is considered appropriate casual wear for your generation. Dress like a grown-up. If a man in his 50s dresses too young, in clothes that are too tight or too hip, he is out of his comfort zone. Age-appropriate clothes are not only flattering, but they project your good judgement.   

 

Small neck shirt with long sleeve length hard to find

Q. I recently lost a considerable amount of weight. I now wear 31x33 pants, and have a 14½- inch neck and a 35-inch sleeve. I have been checked for size by a fine store’s shirt department and several tailors. I find that fine stores do not carry shirt sizes that fit me. Sales people doubt you or assume that you really mean 15½ neck sizes. Stores’ online offerings can be identified as white, blue, and yellow – nothing stylish. Custom tailoring is an option, but not always stylish. 

From a clothing standpoint, it does not pay to be male and thin. I wish that next time, salespeople would spend less time questioning the shopper’s vanity, and more time on the issue he raised. 

A. The truth is that the size you are looking for (14½/35) is so rare that not one of the many stores I checked with has it. Some come close, but no one carries that combination of neck size and sleeve length. Certainly, there is no reason to add to the difficulty you and others face finding correctly-sized clothes by doubting your measurements. 

Despite the rarity, it does not mean you necessarily have to give up or have your shirts custom made. Far less expensive than custom made are “made-to-measure” shirts. These are a variation of shirts that can be special ordered at many stores for an additional expense of about 20% of the cost of ready-mades. Since they offer many customizing options, the shirts can be as stylish as you like. 

There are also other, even less expensive alternatives. I always believe it helps to know how shirts are sized and which stores are likely to carry the cuts/styles you’re looking for; but in situations with outliers, it is even more important. It also helps to be at least a little flexible. So let me explain further.  

SIZING -- Sport shirts are manufactured with “average” sleeve lengths; sized small, medium, and large, each size usually comes with only one sleeve length. Dress shirts are marked in one of two ways: either exact neck and sleeve sizes (a 15-inch neck and a 33-inch sleeve, for example), or “adjustable” sleeve lengths (a 15-inch neck and a 32/33-inch sleeve; an additional button has been sewn on the cuff, allowing the wearer to tighten or loosen the cuff). Better shirt makers produce a full range of sizes, running from 14½/32 and 14½/33 on up through 17½/36. But some manufacturers cut corners with just two sleeve lengths – designated 32/33 and 34/35. So, instead of exact sleeve lengths, you are given a choice of only two in your neck size, neither of which is likely to be your precise size.

So, what you are looking for is a store that sells shirts made by fine manufacturers, offering a full range of sizes. This generally means a large mid-range department store or a men’s fine specialty shop. When you find a store and a salesperson you like, remain a loyal customer. It makes life easier.       

BEING FLEXIBLE -- Here are a few suggestions. First (and I know this is a hard sell with men), be willing to actually try on a few shirts. Be aware that even the best makers’ sizes and cuts tend to vary, one from another. A size 15 shirt from one company might be looser or tighter than a size 15 from another. Online, many sites and companies provide information regarding whether items run small or large; these can be from the store, the manufacturer, or customer reviews, and should be considered, but not counted on. In those cases, you can either purchase one and follow up with more if they prove accurate, or purchase many if you are one who will take advantage of the quasi-easy return elements of online shopping. 

Most of the stores I spoke with said their size 14½-inch shirts only come in one sleeve size, 32/33. But Brooks Brothers stocks a 14½ shirt with an exact 34-inch sleeve (since a 32/33 sleeve is actually 32½ inches long, you are getting an additional inch and a half). Brooks Brothers also stocks 15-inch collar shirts with a 35-inch sleeve (most 15-inch collars only go up to a 34-inch sleeve length). Nordstrom’s and Tommy Hilfiger sell a size 15 shirt with a 34/35 sleeve; the style from Hilfiger is called the “Essential Slim-Fit.” 

Here is where “being flexible” comes in. If you are willing to try on a few nearly-correct-sized shirts (14½/34, 15/35, and 15 34/35) or whatever shirts you discover that come close, you’ll probably find one you can live with. If you’re unwilling to try on the shirts, my advice would be to select a size 15 neck with a slim fit and the longest sleeve you can find. And here is one more idea that a knowledgeable salesperson at Bloomingdale’s suggested: she said to have the shirt’s top button near the collar moved “a smidgeon,” thus customizing a slightly too-small or too-large shirt for a better fit. Moving a collar button is a very easy tailoring procedure that you may be able to do on your own, and certainly can be done even at a dry cleaner’s for much less than custom shirts or the cost of being uncomfortable.    

 

Casual clothes not appropriate for nice restaurant

 

Q. You wrote recently that a man should not “dress down in an athletic-looking fleece hoodie to a restaurant.” Can you explain to men how embarrassing it is when they wear shorts to a nice restaurant? I know that jackets (let alone ties) are rarely required in most fine restaurants anymore, but that doesn't mean they should wear shorts and a T-shirt.

A. As you can certainly guess, I strongly agree with you. Clothes may be distinguished in several different ways. Not only are they divided into attractive and unattractive categories, but, of even more importance, they are often divided into appropriate and inappropriate. Closely linked to whether or not a garment is appropriate is where it is being worn. I have always insisted that men – in fact, both men and women – should consider whether they are dressed appropriately, especially if it reflects on more than just themselves.

"Everyday" and favorite clothes do not suit every occasion. For instance, hoodies and shorts are garments that any man might want to have in his closet. Some are strictly for super-casual shooting-baskets-in-the-driveway wear, and some are attractive and versatile enough to wear for more occasions. But, even the most attractive of these are not appropriate choices for wearing to a nice restaurant.

When trying to determine a garment’s appropriateness, a key element is respect. Respect for the location itself and the other people who are in attendance. If you are dressed totally casually when pulling into a fast-food drive-thru, no one will notice or care. However, if you dress that way in a nice restaurant, you are being disrespectful to the place itself and also to the other people who are dining there . . . maybe even enough to somewhat diminish their enjoyment of a festive evening out. Why would you want to do that? I can hear men responding, "to be comfortable," but wonder whether their nicer clothing is that uncomfortable and whether they and their companions are really comfortable.

Specifically, I know that wearing shorts is a thorny issue for men. Many love the comfort, and I've even been presented with, "What's the difference between a nice polo and shorts vs. a sun dress?" On the one hand, I see their point, on the other hand . . . No, I don't. We are all aware that young men (boys) who are dressing for their proms pay attention to looking their best. That makes me wonder: where does this instinct go when they “grow up” and forget how, and why, to look good?

I’ve noticed another subtle expression of this same impolite attitude. Recently I attended a religious special event on Zoom, and again became aware of a jarring pattern. The women were all nicely “dressed up” in good-looking outfits and beautiful high-heeled shoes, while many of their escorts wore casual sweatshirt-like tops – without jackets and, worse, with sneakers. In my opinion, this sends a few messages: among them, a lack of respect for the occasion, for the location, for the other guests in attendance, and, in particular, for the person they are escorting. While there is often a certain discrepancy between the way the two halves of a couple are dressed, I cannot imagine that one’s partner would be happy with what appears to be a disregard for their social time spent together. 

Is a necktie an appropriate gift? Short answer: Yes

 

Q. I would like to show appreciation to a gentleman who gave me free advice about investing. A gift of homemade cookies doesn't feel quite right. Do you think a tie is an appropriate gift, or is it too personal? 

A. It is interesting that you used the term “too personal.” I remember it as an old expression that my mother used, to refer to inappropriate gifts. Her interpretation of what items were too personal was far more limiting than mine. I believe it not only depends upon the type of item, but also the relationship between the giver and the receiver of the gift. 

Intimate clothing, such as pajamas, a robe, undergarments, etc. are examples. While they are certainly fine for a gift to a husband, a loved one, or a close family member, they definitely are too personal for a business relationship, such as a boss/employee, an acquaintance, or, as in your case, a semi-business thank-you. I can think of a lot of clothing that could come under the appropriate gift category (depending, of course, upon price), and neckties are certainly among those. 

I would say, ties are very high on my list. Even though many (if not most) men these days have given up wearing them, as a regular reader, I'm sure you know that I am a big fan of good-looking ties. It is my strong opinion that men, most of whom make all sorts of efforts to present themselves as not merely one-of-the-crowd, but rather as sharp individuals, do themselves a major disservice by skipping this easiest of all methods to set one’s self apart in a way that others will notice and admire. When a fine $800 suit may possibly go unnoticed, a really handsome necktie will not. Why forgo such an easy opportunity? So, yes, I would say that a tie could well be a wise choice, especially for a man in the financial industry, one of the fields where wearing a tie is still rather expected. When I give a man a tie, I often tuck into the package a small item called “The Tie Thing”; it is a tiny collection of cloth necktie-restraining devices that invisibly hold a tie in place. 

There are other equally less personal clothing gifts. These include cufflinks, a casual watch, fun socks, a scarf, and gloves. These also depend upon how well the giver knows the taste of the person who will be receiving the gift. Good gift ideas do not have to be pieces of clothing or accessories to  demonstrate your appreciation. Less personal gifts include a Swiss Army knife, tickets to a sports event or a concert, gourmet food items, wine, a magazine subscription, pens (say, a luxe-but-affordable Cross pen). Something as extravagant as a Montblanc pen, while certainly thoughtful, can be too much of an assumption. 

There's a risk in buying something so fine that the receiver will feel required to wear/show it off. And gift items may sometimes be wrong, not because they are too personal, but because they’re the sort of things one keeps in his pocket and physically/actually handles often; they are closely tied to an individual’s personal preferences. Examples are key chains, money clips, and perhaps even wallets. Each person usually likes to choose these for himself. Even so, I did once receive a rather lavish genuine crocodile checkbook cover that I thoroughly enjoyed owning, not only because it was so handsome, but because it was far more luxurious than any checkbook cover I would ever splurge on for myself. 

Whether or not you wrap each individual item in gift wrap, you might find a decorative paper gift bag to tuck them into. It makes for a nice presentation.   

It is generally thought that the perfect gifts are indeed those one will enjoy, but would not necessarily buy for oneself.  If there is a tie pattern, color, style that you think would flatter the friend providing advice and not too similar or dissimilar from his style, that sounds perfect.

Blue, black, brown -- tips on which pairings work

 

Q. I have a question; it’s not about the colors that go together, but about mistakes to avoid. Can you tell me which of the following combinations are problematic: blue and brown, blue and black, and black and brown? These are colors that I am generally comfortable with, but that I often hear should never be put with each other. Are they really no-no’s?

 

A. Here is a good rule: never say “never.” That said, most men would indeed do well to follow guidelines, or at least to exercise caution. The world certainly is full of men who just instinctively seem to know what works. They can put colors together that the average guy would usually be wise to steer clear of . . . and they look great while doing it. I must warn you that mixing colors is like any art form: some combos are easy, and some present a higher degree of difficulty.

 

To be specific about the combinations you mentioned, just because something is difficult, or just because you have read somewhere that you should avoid it, does not necessarily make it “wrong.” Let’s start with the easiest and safest one.

 

BLUE AND BROWN: It is a myth that you should not put blues and browns together (unless you are talking about dark blue and dark brown . . . don’t combine those!). In fact, pairing blue and brown can be handsome and often has an aristocratic air. Every light shade of blue works with all shades of brown (including dark chocolate brown). And all light browns go well with every shade of blue. A good example is a sky blue shirt with a khaki suit, or with a camel blazer, or with a brown tweed sports jacket. The most often-seen combination is a navy blue blazer with khaki pants. All these mixes of blues and browns are ones no one could fault.

 

BLUE AND BLACK can be more problematic. Light and medium shades of blue generally work well with black (as with a light blue shirt and a black blazer or suit). Without a jacket, a light blue shirt and black trousers may make you look like an officer . . . but, who knows, that may be a look you want. However, wearing dark blue and black together looks like a mistake. Still, even here there is an exception, but just in terms of accessories. Because no well-dressed man wears dress shoes in any shade of blue, the accepted shoe color to choose with a blue suit or a navy blazer is black.

 

BLACK AND BROWN: Whether these two colors can work together depends upon how dark they are; if they are both dark, they will not look good together. On the other hand, if the brown is some light shade, such as off-white, beige, tan, or khaki, it can be a smart mix with black. Think: black blazer and tan trousers, or the reverse, ivory jacket and black dress pants. If your suit is a medium or dark gray (in the “black family”) and if you are a confident enough dresser to pull it off, you might wear well-polished cognac brown shoes for an elevated level of sophisticated mixing.

 

One secret to making these combinations work is having an item with both colors included (usually a sweater, a jacket, or a necktie) that already is a mix of two colors; it can help you create a special look. As an example, a cashmere or wool sweater in a camel/black/white argyle pattern pairs nicely with a white shirt and black or camel trousers (and a white shirt). A blue-and-black geometric patterned sweater works with either black dress pants or blue jeans. Although some stores and magazines will show wild combinations of patterns, it’s a good idea to stay with only the one pattern when you are working with offbeat color mixing.   

 

Combining certain colors that are difficult to work with takes a certain amount of savoir faire. If you are good at it, go for it. But if it is a difficult look for you to pull off, why bother?

What the Well-Dressed Groom is Wearing

Q.  Our original July wedding was delayed to November by health concerns (and then venue timing). Originally I was wearing a white tuxedo. Will this still be okay in the fall?

A.  Few occasions in a man's life are so full of questions as his wedding day. "What do I wear?" is high on the list. The bridegroom's dress code is specifically prescribed; it is a strict set of rules with only a very few variations allowed. Do it right. 

In formal attire, the white tuxedo you mentioned is a contradiction of terms, unless what you meant is a white dinner jacket. This dapper garment is one of the few variations/alternatives allowed in black-tie attire; it’s a nice summer-time-only substitute for black tie’s formal black jacket. If you already bought yours for your earlier planned wedding, you should not wear it after Labor Day.     

The groom’s clothes are determined by the formality of the wedding, the time of day, and the time of year.  Even today, the degree of formality of the wedding is designed more by the bride than the groom. The bridegroom should definitely OK what he's planning to wear with his fiancée well in advance. This is neither the time nor the place for surprises.

Traditionally, weddings are either daytime formal, evening formal, black tie, or informal.

For a daytime formal wedding, the bridegroom wears a cutaway coat of dark, oxford gray wool (known as a morning coat). It is accompanied by an ascot. For an evening formal wedding, he wears a black tailcoat, white waistcoat (vest), white wing-collar formal shirt, and white cotton piqué bow tie, known as white-tie-and-tails.) Most men have so few occasions to wear either of these two outfits that it's wise to rent them from the most conservative rental agency in town -- one that does not go in for innovative or "creative" pretensions.

At informal weddings, the bridegroom wears a beautiful, well-cut dark suit, most often navy blue, a fine white broadcloth cotton shirt, and a silvery-toned heavy woven “wedding necktie,” tied in the standard long four-in-hand or half-Windsor knot. An informal summer garden wedding with natty Eastern Seaboard overtones might involve a dark blazer and well-cut white trousers.

At all times of the year, the most popular category of wedding wear is between these two, known as black-tie attire. The black-tie suit is often referred to as a “tuxedo,” although in the most elite social circles, this term is not considered elegant. It’s been said that a man dining on New Year’s Eve in a grand restaurant is wearing black tie, while the waiter is wearing a tuxedo . . . even though they are both dressed the same. Weddings called for after dark are often black tie affairs -- for the bridegroom and for the male guests, as well.

The most important point about black-tie dressing is that it makes a man look wonderful. If he has even one occasion every year or two to wear it, he should strongly consider owning his own, rather than renting. Essential to black-tie dressing: all the details (lapel type, trouser type, shirt, bowtie, accessories, etc.) should correspond and be appropriate.

A black-tie suit need not be expensive. It should be classically cut, tailored to fit well (currently, on the trim side), and ideally made of 100 percent lightweight wool.

Basic black-tie suits are fashioned in three collar and lapel styles:

·         Shawl (traditional curve cut, used only on formal wear)

·         Peaked (most dashing, usually found on double-breasteds) or

·         Notched (least formal, a daytime-business-suit cut).

Lapel fabrics are either:

·         Satin, a silk-like, smooth, glossy fabric, or

·         Grosgrain (pronounced “grow’-grain”), a ribbed twill fabric, also known as faille (pronounced “file”).

Jacket closings are single- or double-breasted. Probably a double-breasted should not be your first and only evening suit, because it will come and go in style.

Trousers have a ribbon that matches the lapel material -- satin or faille – running  down the outside of the leg. They are cut straight, not tapered; worn with braces (button-on suspenders), not a belt; are accompanied by a cummerbund or a waistcoat (vest); and have a small break. Incidentally, formal dressing is the one time when cuffs are never worn.

Shirts are always white with either a standard turn-down point collar or a wing collar. Historically, the wing collar was only correct with white-tie tailcoats, but it is so dapper and flattering that it is now widely accepted.

Shoes and socks are black. So is the bowtie. That’s what makes it black tie.  

How to look slimmer than you really are

Q. It's unlikely I'm going to lose any weight (at least any time soon), but I do hope to look my best. Of the supposed methods, does anything truly flatter (and look less fat) other than just wearing black? It would be good to have a better look among co-workers . . . and women.

A. A key element in searching for the perfect clothes is recognizing the body those clothes are going on and the shape it is in. Wearing clothes that offset any problems you feel you have can help. For every adjustment (or downplaying) one hopes to achieve, there are preferable choices . . . fool-the-eye techniques that can “slim you down” visually. While they apply to any clothes you wear, they are especially effective when you’re dressed in a suit; so, you might be wise to seek out more times to wear one. A blazer or sports jacket works almost as well.

If you are heavy and want to de-emphasize it, here are some basic suggestions:

1.      You are right that darker clothes can make you appear twenty pounds lighter. The rule is: Dark colors minimize; light colors emphasize. If not dark, choose muted colors.

2.      Focus attention on your face by wearing compellingly interesting and attractive shirts and ties.

3.      Create an illusion of slimness by using unbroken vertical lines when possible to direct the eye’s sweep up and down. Wearing a tie is one good way to do this.

4.      Meticulous tailoring matters even more when you are heavy. Be assertive with the tailor, so there is no tugging at sleeves or squeezing at armholes. Tipping him helps.

When wearing suits or sports jackets, choose these features to look taller and leaner:

·         Single-breasted jackets

·         Solids or subtle stripes (no widely-spaced stripes)

·         Jackets with slightly padded shoulders, nipped at the waist, a center vent, and long enough to cover the seat

·         Plain-front trousers (no pleats). If you are wide in the seat (hips) avoid carrying anything in your back pockets.

·         The fabric is critical, so select:

-          Jackets and pants of near-matching or similar tones, without much contrast.

-          Medium- or light-weights. Avoid bulky fabrics.

-          Simple, small patterns. “Busy” patterns, such as bold plaids, add bulk visually.

Other garments:

·         Wear long ties; avoid bow ties.

·         Choose vertically striped dress- and sport-shirts.

·         Select dress shirts with a narrow spread, straight points, or button-down collars. Avoid the horizontal lines of wide-spread collars.

·         Shirts worn unbuttoned (open-at-the-neck) can also help create the illusion of height.

·         For less dressy wear, consider wearing a vest or sweater vest, instead of a jacket, over a shirt.

·         For casual wear, sweaters camouflage/cover/disguise the waistline almost as well as a suit. V-necks and light-weight sweaters with vertical ribbing or stripes are especially elongating.

·         For outerwear, adding a scarf and/or a fedora is a flattering way to emphasize the vertical.  

Notes of caution:

Pay meticulous attention to your neat grooming. No “relaxed” hair, unpressed garments, loose necktie knots, untucked shirttails – anything that suggests that old negative, “sloppy fat.”

Stay away from sharp horizontal contrasts (such as wearing a light top with dark trousers) or a strong line (dark belt with light pants and shirt) that draws the eye to, and across, your middle.

Be extra careful when tying your necktie, make sure it comes down to the belt line, not above it. Avoid any space between the tie and pants that would stop the up-and-down sweep of the eye.

Finally, as a mother, I feel compelled to point out that losing a few pounds would be a great idea. Besides looking better and feeling better, you will actually be better – healthier. Caring about yourself is a sign that others should also care about you. In a room full of people, women will be attracted to the man who reflects confidence, flair, and a strong sense of his own worth.

Does gray count as a color?

Q. What does gray count as in terms of a color? I was wearing a shirt with thin gray stripes on white with khaki pants, and I was unsure which ties really worked with it.

A. That is a very good question. It shows you are aware of some of the important color subtleties connected with being well dressed. Some shirt and tie pairings look terrible. Others bring compliments. And since gray is one of the two most common colors in men's wardrobes, knowing how to work with it is important.

My first answer would be that gray, being in between white and black (or a mix thereof), does not necessarily need to be treated as a color, because neither black nor white is actually a color. But many grays include a hint and tint (see more below) of another color, and that can make a tremendous difference.

For instance, a shirt with gray and white stripes is perfect for all your gray suits. It works well with gray tweed jackets and charcoal gray dress pants. Because it contrasts nicely with most colors, it is the perfect foil for a necktie in any shade of red, from pink to bright red or burgundy, and also works with ties in light-to-medium shades of blue, green or purple. Your preferences in color can dictate your choices, as you have very few restrictions.

The easiest and safest tie with a striped shirt is a solid color (with no pattern). It is certainly possible to mix a striped shirt with a patterned tie, but it requires paying attention not only to what colors you put together but also to the type and size of the tie's pattern. To look as if you chose the patterned tie on purpose rather than pairing it thoughtlessly, stripes need patterns that are not too large, not too busy  and not too close together.

As examples, a large all-over paisley, most checks and all plaids are hard to do well with a stripe ... and should be avoided. On the other hand, small designs on a plain background (such as club ties with those little sailboat or tennis racquet designs) work very well. So do ties with widely-spaced stripes.

I know that men often tend to think of khaki pants as so neutral that they go with everything. But your teaming of a gray-and-white shirt with khakis is not my favorite combination. The reason is, as you mentioned, gray is in the black family, and khaki is actually a color in the brown family. I am not saying that shades of brown and black can never mix well, but doing so takes a certain degree of skill and sophistication. Why look for difficulty?

To help explain what I meant about grays' often having a hint of another color in them, consider a garment in slate gray. Slate gray is a dark shade of gray with a tint of blue. It is very popular for suits and dress trousers, but it is difficult to mix and match. When you mix it with a blue shirt, it looks gray, but when you mix it with a gray shirt, it looks blue. Instead of looking like a handsome contrast, the combination looks like a near-miss mistake. Some grays have a slight cast of purple or green, and these are even more of a problem. When buying something in the gray family -- especially an expensive suit -- be careful to select a pure gray with no undertones of another color.

For that one man in 12 who is colorblind or if your ability to differentiate between shades is less acute than it might be, ask the salesman. Since so many men are colorblind it makes little sense to be embarrassed or hide the fact from the salesman. He sees people who are colorblind every day. Ask him to show you a gray item with no green or purple in it. That can be helpful even if you are not colorblind.

What to wear when it is hot and humid

Q. I will be traveling to a very hot and humid climate later this month. What fabrics are the coolest and most comfortable for me to take with me?

A. Cotton, cotton, and cotton. Nothing is cooler than all-cotton (100 percent) garments. When you look at the world of fabrics, cotton, linen, silk, and wool are the “natural fibers.” They are traditional, classic, cool, comfortable, and more expensive than synthetics.

COTTON is used in lightweight suits and jackets of poplin, seersucker, cord, and gabardine, in shirts, in summer dress pants, khakis, jeans, shorts, socks, and underwear. Strong, lightweight, comfortable, and cool, cotton’s qualities are highly desirable. If a cotton fabric has any percentage of synthetic fiber added to it, the garment becomes less comfortable.                         

I would recommend your opting for cotton for much of the clothing you travel with and that you wear back home during the summer (assuming you aren't in northern Alaska). Every man’s summer wardrobe should include these cotton classics: a khaki poplin single-breasted suit, pastel-colored blazer, dark dress trousers and light chinos, a sweater, several fine dress shirts, and an assortment of short-sleeved casual tops ranging from polos to Tee’s.

I would caution, that if you are buying all-cotton no-iron shirts, you should buy one from each of a few different brands to determine which one feels the coolest. When a manufacturer adds the chemical wrinkle-free treatment to the fabric, it may affect its breathability, even though the shirt is 100 percent cotton.   

LINEN, sometimes called “flax,” an elegant and luxurious fabric, is a second choice or a pricier first choice. Its light weight and its tendency to carry heat away from the body make it a favorite cloth for summer suits, jackets, and neckties – expensive ones. Because linen wrinkles easily, manufacturers often blend it with cotton, silk, wool, or shape-retaining synthetics. Skip the synthetic blends. People who are knowledgeable about linen’s distinctive properties say it has “regal wrinkles.” Linen adds luster and subtlety to a jacket or pair of trousers. An outfit of rich ivory-toned linen is a handsome addition to a summer weekend wardrobe. 

SILK is another natural fiber to include occasionally in your warm-weather selections. Some silk can be affordable and others can be a once-a-decade splurge. Its incomparably smooth touch and light weight make it a good alternate choice as long as you realize that it can be wrinkly and can show unattractive evidence of perspiration. Armholes should be loose.

WOOL should not be totally overlooked as summer wear – perhaps not for you on this trip – but definitely back home. Here, weight is an extremely important factor. Featherweight and tropical-weight wools are very different from winter-weight and ten-month weight wools. A well-dressed man is likely to have at least one super lightweight wool summer suit and a navy go-with-everything tropical wool blazer in his closet. 

MAN-MADE FIBERS should be shunned. In hot, muggy environments, avoid fabric blends that include the words polyester, nylon, or synthetic. Different people’s bodies react differently to synthetics. Some do not tolerate any amount well in humid weather. But those who do not react so strongly can choose fabrics with small percentages of non-natural fibers. The big exception to my zero-tolerance-for-synthetics attitude: 90 or 95 percent natural fiber and only five or ten percentage in a “stretch” (Spandex) fiber seems to work just fine, Also, notice that I did not warn against rayon fabric. As explained to me by my chemical engineer son, rayon is not actually one of the synthetics that are made from petroleum. Because rayon is made from wood (which grows), it feels like silk yet is similar to cotton. Its airy construction allows it “to breathe.”

Unfortunately, there is no sure way to know ahead of time (that is, at the time you are making the purchase), which cotton garments will turn out to be the coolest and your favorites. A few clues that might help you choose are high thread-count yarns and a silky feel. But beware: polyester also has a silky feel. Read the labels carefully. Stay cool.

Ways to look slimmer

Q. Now that he is in his 40’s, my husband is beginning to show a little weight around the middle. It isn't significant, but he's a bit upset about it.  He would never ask, but are there some clothes that would hide this?

A. For all the griping men often do about clothing and business dress, what one wears can provide advantages: whether it is making one look professional, younger, cooler, more fun, or less heavy. There are definitely straightforward suggestions I can provide him and all men, general guidelines to consider before setting out to invest in new clothes. If you are heavy (particularly around the middle), focus attention on your face by wearing compellingly interesting shirts and ties. Create an illusion of slimness by using vertical lines when possible; they force the eye to sweep up and down. Dark colors can make you appear ten to fifteen pounds lighter. And buttoning your jacket (if it still fits correctly) can also accomplish this same illusion of slimness.

SUIT FEATURES TO LOOK FOR:

• Striped suits – pin, chalk, shadow – with closely-spaced stripes
• Single-breasted suits, jackets, and coats
• Jackets with tailored (slightly padded) shoulders, nipped waists, and center vents

SUIT AND JACKET FABRICS TO SELECT:

• Medium- or lightweights. Avoid bulky fabrics.
• Smooth textures
• Dark, cool, and muted colors
• Simple patterns. Avoid “busy” patterns, such as bold plaids, which add bulk visually.
• Blazers/jackets and trousers of nearly matching or similar tones help direct the eye up and down. Avoid sharp contrasts between jacket and trousers, which direct the eye across.

TROUSERS:

• Opt for flat-front (non-pleated) styling or very small pleats. No matter what some may tell you, pleats do not conceal/camouflage a belly.
• Trousers with side-tabs can be a good alternative to attention-grabbing belts.
• If you are wide in the seat (hips), avoid carrying anything in your back pockets.

SHIRTS:

• Vertical stripes in dress and sport shirts are visually elongating.
• Choose shirt collars that are low in back and on the sides, and with a narrow spread. Avoid the horizontal line of a wide-spread collar.
• Also wear button-down collars and trim tab collars.

OTHER GARMENTS:

• Wear long (four-in-hand) neckties and narrow (also four-in-hand) knots. Avoid bow ties.
• For sportswear, wear sweaters that cover (extend past) the waist in cardigans or pullovers. They actually do help conceal/camouflage a belly.
• Choose non-bulky sweaters with vertical stripes, vertical ribbing, or not-too-large patterns. 
• Avoid belts in sharply contrasting colors. 
• For a man who can carry off this bit of style, an eye-catching scarf in the colder months makes a great vertical line. So does a good-looking pair of braces (button-on suspenders).

NOTES:

• Wear knit shirts such as polos and T’s untucked, thus, avoiding accenting the unattractive overhang of a “beer belly.”
• Avoid wearing anything too small, too tight, or too short.
• Emphasize neutral colors; avoid anything too bold or bright.
• Meticulous grooming plus well-cut and carefully tailored clothes are essential to avoid triggering any thoughts of “sloppy fat.”

AN IMPORTANT OVERWORD:  You can use many tricks to create the look you want. You cannot eliminate all the negatives, but you certainly can learn to emphasize the positives. To summarize: Aim for smooth textures, dark and neutral colors, vertical lines, precise tailoring, meticulous grooming. Be open to trying a few of these proven approaches. You will be happy with the results.

Nice slacks, shirt, perfect with 'almost-dress' shoes

Q. I have sent you a question on suits before and thank you for a fine answer. My new question is this: Are there any casual shoes (we used to call them tennis shoes) that are suitable for wearing with a nice pair of slacks and a shirt? I always wear a dress shoe. 

A. I can’t remember a time in fashion when a man had more options with his choice of almost-dress shoes. Everything, from the new wildly-popular dressy sneaker to the more standard desert boots, boat shoes, driving moccasins, and loafers, offers an alternative to pairing dress slacks and shirt with ratty, or not-so-ratty, sneakers.

All the big name shoe companies, especially such Italian designers as Armani and Ferragamo, are making versions of a dressy sneaker/shoe in dark colors. Tom Ford makes a low-cut sneaker with a sneaker bottom and leather upper; Cole Haan makes a variety of styles; Allen Edmonds makes a handsome trainer in woven leather, pebble-grain leather, and in several sophisticated shades of suede, all with rubber bottoms. When I asked one manufacturer just what makes them different from a standard sneaker and whether others would even recognize that they were not the same, he answered: "The look is different. When you see it, it is apparent that they were not meant to play basketball in."

Over the years, Sperry/topsider type boat shoes have worked well in a casual setting; so have all manner of slip-on loafers. But today a dressy sneaker is a more modern look. It can move your whole look up a stylish notch. What do you look for so the shoe qualifies as a dressy sneaker? It is leather, has a rounded toe, a flatter bottom, and the price often reflects a big difference. 

If you were not comfortable with topsiders or tennis shoes, you still have degrees of formality among shoes. Keep in mind that there are dress shoes, and then there are dress shoes. You would not want to wear the dressiest of shoes, a wingtip, with a casual outfit. But a less formal dress shoe, such as a cap-toe, could work with a smart casual combination. The traditional horse-bit loafers (Gucci-type) are an ongoing part of Italian styling. Driving moccasins, plain loafers, and other comfortable shoes are still “in.” Even so, since you wrote that you usually wear a dress shoe, you must be looking for something that is a clear departure – something more current. That is where the leather or suede upper with a sneaker bottom comes in.

A salesman in an upscale men’s shoe store told me: “We have more suede derby lace-ups, sort of a cross between a sneaker and a low-cut desert boot, than ever before, as well as suede loafers.” If you are wondering about suede for summer, many are designed for warm weather wear. Lightweight suede slip-ons and lace-ups have become seasonal spring/summer shoes. With a pair of the newer sneakers that look like dress shoes, you are blending into the recent resurgence of sneaker culture where styles are getting sleeker every day. Good for casual-business wear, for casual-social wear, and for travel, these are quite different from a chunky pair of athletic sneakers. With their rubber soles in a contrasting color from the leather uppers, you can wear them for their comfort and at the same time, enjoy them for their fashionable appeal. You should note that sometimes just adding color can upgrade an actual sneaker to a dressier look. Paul Stuart stocks quality sneakers in six stylish colors.

The fact that Paul Stuart carries them gives you a sense of just how much they have crossed over into the well dressed man's closet, and why even somewhat traditionalists – including myself –recognize that dress sneakers present a polished casual daywear look. They can go with shorts or jeans during the day or with your nice slacks and shirt at any time. Some say they also go with a suit in the evening for events like a wedding, a dressy party, or a nice dinner out, but I do not agree. The look is too informal for such occasions and wearing them in such inappropriate ways takes away any appearance of “cool” that you have established by choosing them in the first place.

There are rules for light suits

Q. Is a lighter suit really appropriate for an office?  I wear blue and gray suits and it would be good to have something that is a bit of a change, but I am not sure anyone wears them to real offices as opposed to celebrities at openings.

A. Unless you work in the most straight-laced, formal field in the strictest dress code of offices (and often even there), a lighter colored suit is definitely appropriate for the summer. But it is important to know the styles and rules to distinguish what works versus those that are the extreme and should only be worn to a summer wedding or party.

These can be great opportunities to stand out beyond the typical dark suit, and look cool, without a risk of trying to appear younger or "hipper" than you see yourself. Young men may tend to overlook anything slightly unusual, either because they are unfamiliar with it or for fear of seeming like too much of a maverick. A well-dressed maverick has a certain appeal. And a light suit, particularly a seersucker suit, is certainly not an everyman style.

Besides a lighter shade of blue or gray, you have two options: a lightweight khaki suit or the seersucker. They both have the advantage of being a change of pace and appropriate, as long as you observe the seasonal “rules.”

A khaki (or tan) suit offers variation; it extends your color palette. It allows you to wear a light suit, which can be a welcome addition to an otherwise dark wardrobe of suits. It works well with a suntan, and, thus, has its own built-in repetition of color. 

Notice how logical men’s styles are. Contrast is essential. In winter months, when we are pale, dark suits are all that are appropriate. In warm weather, with a flattering tan, khaki suits are added to the closet, giving you variation, repeating the color of tan skin, and emphasizing it as well.

Khaki suits can be lightweight wool or comfortable cotton poplin. In either fabric, they allow for shirts and ties in a wider range of colors than you might normally pair with your blues and grays. Brown accessories such as brown belts and shoes are the ideal choices. Ivory-colored shirts work well. Variations on yellow and orange ties are very smart with khaki.
 
A seersucker suit: Now is definitely the perfect time to consider buying a classic seersucker suit, because the seersucker season is a limited one from Memorial Day to Labor Day just as with most "whites."

For the uninitiated, seersucker is an all-American style. The cut is classic: two-button closure, natural shoulders, and a relaxed (not too slim) fit. The fabric is crinkly, lightweight and cool, mostly all-cotton (but sometimes a cotton blend), and generally less expensive than wool. It is light in color, partly because it is striped: blue-and-white looking from a distance like light blue, brown-and-white appearing to be tan, and (less often) red-and-white adding up to a rose/pink. My strong preference is for the blue-and-white version. 

As for the appropriate occasion for wearing seersucker, in men’s clothing there is a sliding scale of what is quite dressy, what is less so, and what is casual wear. The dressiest item (short of black-tie wear) is the matched suit, progressing in color/dressiness from dark to medium to light. Therefore, perhaps the most casual suit is the seersucker. It has a nice air of different-from-the-usual, without being too quirky. 
       
Because seersucker is a bit less formal, it can be worn with or without a tie, with either a button-down collar shirt or a knit polo shirt, when and where the settings are appropriate. If you do wear a tie, stay with styles on the conservative side; bold avant-garde patterns seem somehow discordant with the quiet "old money" tone of seersucker. Choose a tie that is not too formal, such as a cotton madras plaid, a solid-color pastel linen, or maybe a navy knit.

Avoid any elegant, dressy styles such as double-breasted cuts, French-cuff shirts, cufflinks, and other dandified touches. Wearing seersucker implies a casual nonchalance; it requires a large degree of consistency and more than a hint of self-confidence. Because a seersucker suit has an offbeat look-at-me "personality," the rest of the outfit should be more standard. A light blue-and-white seersucker mates perfectly with a quiet white Oxford cloth shirt. Avoid pairing a blue shirt with blue seersucker; two shades of light blue are nearly impossible to harmonize well. A pale yellow or fresh pink cotton shirt blends nicely with seersucker's casual texture.

As to whether a seersucker suit can be worn to work, a lot depends on the formality of your work environment. If the men in your office still only wear deep blue and dark gray suits year-round, then a seersucker suit is probably too light-colored and informal. But if khaki suits appear in spring and summer and if men wear sport coats, your corporate culture is likely to embrace the style. In fact, in these informal days, a seersucker suit might actually be too dressed-up for many casual offices.

On the other hand, some rather staid offices feel these suits are too casual, too preppy, too devil-may-care, too white-shoe, even too snobby and Ivy League. These all may have one-upsmanship advantages, but they may also have disadvantages that should be weighed carefully before deciding on seersucker for the office. Personally, I love seersucker suits, but not everyone does.

Shopping hints

Q. I have a number of pieces of clothing that I've had for over 10 years, that I imagine I will need to replace before the Fall. What do I specifically need to know?

A. Without more specific information, it will be difficult to tell you what may or may not be out of style in the men's business wear you have (feel free to follow up with more info). However, given that you recognize the need to make some purchases, and another question I received from a man moving up who needed a full professional wardrobe, I believe you both may benefit from a quick tutorial on shopping FOR MEN and methods of finding the best clothing.

These are ways to get help so you don't have to rely solely on your own judgment and shopping will not be something you dread . . . as long as you are open to following at least a few of them.

• Hire a Personal Shopper: If your budget can handle it, this can be a great option. You don’t need to be a celebrity to do this, but you do need to be careful about your choice. (Your partner/spouse may not be the most objective person for the job.) 
• Find a Store that Is Right for You: It will be very much in your interest to buy a large percentage of your clothes in one store. The personnel will regard you, over the years, as a valued customer. You will know the manager, the salespeople, and – just as importantly – the fitter/tailor. You may not be able to afford the very best store in town, but one at the next level will do just fine. 
• Cultivate a Salesperson with Impeccable Taste: When you walk into a fine men’s store, one salesperson will approach you. In retailers’ parlance, the one who is “up” gets the next customer. But you are in no way obligated to follow the store’s rotation system. Unless you are immediately impressed with the salesperson's manner and how that person is dressed, say, "No thanks, I'm just looking." Observe the other salespeople and note the kind of customers they are serving. If you admire the look and style of one, wait until he is available. You approach him. Let him help you dress the way you want to look. He can become your personal shopper. Tuck his card into your wallet. Then be loyal.    
• Be Willing to Try Things On: Besides hating to shop, another thing men seem to resist is actually trying something on to determine whether or not it is flattering. I strongly urge you to learn to trust your mirror. Especially when shopping alone, do not merely hold an item up to you and check it out in the mirror. Instead, force yourself to go into the dressing room and actually try it on in front of a brutally honest mirror (full length!). Only then will you know the truth about whether it is a good look for you, is flattering, and fits.
• Online Shopping: For men who hate going into stores, the world, specifically the world-wide-web, has certainly adjusted to "suit" them. Even so, it works best if the online company has a real brick-and-mortar store where you can go once in a while to establish which sizes in their garments actually fit you correctly. If not, you may have to go through a period of trials and returns before you can feel comfortable with future orders. 

Here are two of my most useful tricks:

1. Whenever possible, buy two or more items at the same time to create a coordinated “outfit.” When I act as a personal shopper, I always shop this way. You can, too. For example, when you buy a new shirt, buy one perfect tie (or, better yet, two) for that specific shirt so you know they will always go well together. 
2. Buy doubles/duplicates as soon as you discover you are especially happy with an item. If it becomes apparent to you that some garment you have bought is a winner, go back immediately to the store and buy another one, either in the same color or in another color (perhaps both). Don’t just wear it a lot and think you will buy another in the future. By next year, or even next season, the manufacturer will often have dropped that particular item from its line or tweaked it slightly, just enough to change it from what you really want. (I especially recommend this for garments that are all white or have white trim.)  

Be conscious of "trading up" every time you spend a clothing dollar, not just modernizing. With some purchases you'll be inching upward, a bit at a time. With some, you will leap up to new compliment-arousing heights. Did your first purchase of a really expensive necktie send you home wracked with guilt? Possibly . . . but remember that every time you wore that tie you felt terrific.